The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
