What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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