I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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