First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
