Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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