i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
