Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
