i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
