hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
