I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
