I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
