I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
