here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
i out mim tonsoeep
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