there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
