Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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