Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
