During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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