That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
