She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize