Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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