The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
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