Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
