We're facebook friends in real life
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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