Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
