Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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