I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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