i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
