She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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