I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
