Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
