So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
