there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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