I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
