I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
