the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize