No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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