Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
