Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
