I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
