I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
