Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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