I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
