Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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