i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
