So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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