I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Randomize
