I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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