Sry I called you an 8
You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
