btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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