I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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