just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
