I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
