Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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