So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
