You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
