all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
