his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
