words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
either way he was missing a nipple.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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