i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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