i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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