You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
