Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
