No stitches, just platelets and will power
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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