I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
