Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
