worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize