We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
