youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
