hotel room ftw
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
