I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
