I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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