If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
