she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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